Feedback: How to Effectively Give Feedback

Posted on 11. Apr, 2011 by Phyllis in Life Coach

“Effective feedback creates a kind of awareness that makes a difference in how one sees things. It provides insight, opens thought and expands vision”_ International Coach Academy

What feelings, thoughts or memories come to mind when you hear the word feedback? Does it evoke negative feelings? Do you shiver at the thought of having to give feedback or to receive it? If you answered yes, to either of the above questions you are not alone. Many people think about feedback in the same as criticism, in fact, you may have heard people use feedback as ‘constructive criticism’. Criticism can never be constructive; it is always a personal, subjective account. It has nothing to do with the recipient and everything to do with the giver!

In our January issue we introduced the I.D.A.R.E. tool to you and how it can be used to practice coaching the leader in you. The ‘E’ in this tool is what can be used to practise giving effective feedback, both to you and to others.

We must practice evaluation or reflection as if we are looking in a clean and clear mirror. Just like a mirror we must reflect without criticising or judging ourselves and others. This is how we give feedback, we must show exactly what we see, hear, what we feel and what we experience with the purpose to continue growing into living our Ultimate Potentials. The following points will help you prepare to give effective feedback:

1. Ask the person for permission before giving feedback, never just start telling them what you think, feel or believe they should do. This becomes a criticism. Seeking permission first will set up the person to be open and receptive to what you have to share, it will also help you be more mindful about what you say.

2. Own what you have to say. What you say and how you say it must be yours, so to let the person know how you feel about an action you provide feedback by saying just so, for example: “when you did that, I felt angry because…”

3. Speak your truth, mean what you say but don’t be mean about it. Your goal is not to hurt but to create growth in the other person. You can only do so by mirroring back what was given and truth is the only way to do so.

4. Release any judgements and opinions you have about the person, situation or event. These are tools of criticism not feedback.

To bring home the stark difference between feedback and criticism the following list compares the two:
Criticism                    Feedback
Unsolicited                   often welcomed
Negative                         positive
Growth depleting          growth enhancing
Subjective                        objective
Personal                           not personal
Dwells on the past         focused on the future

A Life Coach is a great resource to use to help create a self-development plan. A Coach will work with you to provide tangible results and support you in transferring those results in all other aspects of your life. A coach will support you to be accountable to your self-development goals, as well as stop to celebrate your achievements along the way.

Live Well…
Phyllis